Friend-less

Just so you know, this isn't some "poor me" post. I'm aware that I'm incredibly blessed and lucky in my life. I've got a wonderful husband, great family, and friends all over the world. 

However, having friends all over the world doesn't necessarily translate into a multitude of friends nearby. And, sadly, lately I've been feeling like the friends I've made here aren't really good friends after all. And that breaks my heart.

Of course, my first reaction is to blame myself - I'm too trusting, too nice, too helpful. I like to think that I treat other people (at least the ones close to me) like I'd like to be treated. But, I don't really feel like I'm getting the same thing in return. I'm feeling neglected. Taken for granted. Used. Unappreciated. Walked on. Ignored. Left out. Alone.

Granted, I've got great friends far away that I can talk to and, as I mentioned, I've got the best husband around. But, even he isn't sure what to say when I talk to him about how I'm feeling about these friends. He says I should tell them what I'm telling him (but that's not going to work either).

Because, really, I don't think I want friends like these. I want people who are excited to see me, who reach out and want to do things, not ones that just take and take and take with nothing in return. Again, I blame myself. I shouldn't offer anything to anyone, especially without asking for what I need back. But even when I ask, that doesn't work either, so what's the point?

I guess I just won't have any friends. Not good ones, anyway. I mean, there are a few that don't fall into this category and I appreciate them more than anything. I just wish I didn't feel so alone. Rant over. Moving on.