Friends, I'm going to talk about something stressful, something unpleasant today, so please feel free to skip this post if you'd like. I've been resisting doing so because I try to keep things light and fluffy whenever possible, but there's something bothering me and I think it should be discussed. Plus, I think too many people hold things in when it's much easier to cope when we're all in it together (cue cheesy music).
My mammogram results came back needing additional testing. At first they said it wasn't a big deal, but then I got another call saying they'd found something in my right breast and needs additional testing. And maybe it's nothing. It's entirely possible that it's a big fatty deposit or something. But, my mind doesn't think so. Since I've met Keith I've felt guilty about being this happy and for some reason I feel like this is what's here to "balance out" our happiness. I know it makes no sense, but I can't help it. Is this the other shoe dropping? Were we only meant to be together a short time until I fall victim to a disease that is characterized by all things pink?!?!
I know I'm overreacting
(I tend to do that). It's probably nothing. It's probably nothing. It's probably nothing. But why doesn't it make me feel better to type that? Why can't I believe it?
I have had the same issue since I had my first one about 10 years ago. I started getting mine in my 30's due to other health issues. It seemed like every time I'd go they wanted me to come back for a follow up. But since I started having them done digitally that hasn't happened. That is until last year - luckily for me it turned out to be nothing but a gland issue & a cyst. But I kept it from the people I love until I got the call from my doc that I needed to see a surgeon. Even then I only told my Mom & sister - just didn't seem real and I didn't want them to worry - until the call from my doc scared me into spilling what I had been keeping to myself for the previous month. Luckily the surgeon visit went well and I am back to yearly visits. I hope it turns out to be nothing for you! But I get the not being able to let yourself believe it's nothing and I'm not going to try and convince you otherwise. Hearing the words from the doc are the only thing that will make that anxiety go away. From reading your blog it seems like you have such good family & friend support - let them love you and help with the wait and hopefully celebrate the all clear with you! I'll be thinking of you and sending positive energy your way. Hope that helps in some little way too!
ReplyDeleteI've had a similar issue, and know just how unnerving it can be. My coworker (and work mom) always tells me to "never borrow trouble." What she means is… don't worry until you have to. While you can't help but wonder and worry, you have to just keep living your life until you know for sure you have something to worry about. Easier said than done, I know… I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Let me know if you need anything.
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