Warning: Man Hating Rant Ahead

I'm not going to bore you with the details with what happened to me last night, because they are sad. Long story short, my latest feeble attempt at Operation: Get Rid of Crush (in my heart) involves dating a multitude of new men to get my mind off of Crush. Yes, I know; it's a shoddy plan at best. Oh, yeah. And it doesn't seem to be working. At all.

The worst part about it all is how surprised I am EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Why don't I learn? Why can't I figure it out? Why do I have the WORST attraction radar in the history of the world?

I mean, really. At this point in my life, after so many disappointments, heartbreaks, and absolute relationship failures you'd think I'd be an ice queen with a huge wall in front of my heart. I SHOULD BE. I shouldn't even try anymore. I should reside to my hermit life with my dog and my crafts and that's the end of that. Screw men. Screw love. Screw romance. Screw hope.

However. My big pink heart made of jello doesn't want to be bitter; it doesn't want to stop trying; it doesn't want to give up. I still like to think I can see the best side / intentions of people, despite the fact that this never seems to work out for me. Oh, wait. Until later. Later they realize I'm everything they ever wanted and wish they could be with me....but, usually, they're married to someone else by then. So, yeah. Sigh.

Of course I don't want to be one of those bitter, wretched, shrewd "Men Suck" people, but I don't know what else to be. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of giving and giving and giving and never getting anything back. The last break-up with AFMF almost killed me and I don't know that I ever want to be that vulnerable again. As it is, I'm so far deep into Crush I can't even think straight. So, trying to replace him with the Loser Parade doesn't really seem like a stellar plan. I'm just desperate to get over him. To forget him. To not care that he doesn't feel the same.

I give up. I give up at love, at hope, at caring. I'm throwing in the towel. Everyone sucks. I'm calling Uncle.