London's Most Wanted

So, I was thinking last night how threatening I must've seemed to those Immigration officers in London. I mean, obviously, I was London's Most Wanted according to the way I was treated. I can just see the tip sheet now:

Attention All Officers:

Please be on the lookout for a blonde, blue-eyed, American woman wearing a black dress, black shoes with pink flamingos on them, and a light pink jacket with a Pink Panther cartoon on the back. Obviously, you are to take special caution when approaching, as she has not one, but TWO Hello Kitty tattoos.

In fact, she also has an Ariel tattoo and a Strawberry Shortcake tattoo, so you should be afraid, be very afraid. In her purse you'll probably find some Squinkie toys, and love letters to Nick Rhodes which she carries around at all times in the small chance she'll run into him. Please be advised that her nickname on the streets is "Pinky Lovejoy" and she's likely to kill you with vicious rhetoric and even correct your spelling.

That's right, officers, this is London's Most Wanted we're looking for and you should be on HIGH ALERT!!!