Dial Tone, Dial Tone, Blah Blah Blah

So, my new job involves me talking on the phone. A lot. Actually, if we're being honest here, I'm not talking so much as waiting for people to answer their phones and leaving messages, so I spend most of my day listening to their answering machines. After several weeks of this, I think it qualifies me as a bit of a pro. Here are a few tips on what NOT to do on your message: 1) If you must use the phrase "God bless you" somewhere in your message, try to make sure that your ringback tone isn't some rap song about knocking boots. Those ideas kinda cancel each other out. 2) Speaking of ringback tones, let's agree collectively that they're annoying and go back to using a normal "ring ring." 3) For the love of all things holy, do NOT do one of those stupid fake-outs on your voicemail. You know, the "Hello? Hello? You've reached my voicemail..." I hate those and, sadly, I fall for it every single time. Fail. 4) Don't talk for ten minutes describing where you are - be brief, be quick, and be able to speak clearly. 5) Do NOT make the beep sound with your mouth after saying, "Leave a message at the beep. Beep." It's not funny and it's not cute. It's stupid. If we can all follow these simple rules, you'll make my professional life a whole lot easier. Thankyouverymuch.