EX-asperating Exes

Now, why is it that every time I declare myself to be on a self-imposed "mancation," the very next day I'm bombarded with stupid exes annoying the crap out of me? Do I bring it on myself? Am I somehow calling out to the universe to test me? What gives? Granted, I suppose the first bit of drama today was my fault, as I was the one to give AFMF a call to tell him about the Jon Lovitz debacle. I know, I know, I really didn't need to call, but I did and that's that. So, we had a fine convo, but as we were getting off the phone he said, "At some point I'm going to need to tell you something, but you're going to be mad." Um, OK. What could he possibly have to tell me that would affect anything in my life right now? That he's not going to pay me back? Yeah, I think I figured that out. He finally told me to guess (apparently we're five) and I said, "You're getting married or you're having a baby." His reply? "No baby....but maybe the other thing already happened." Huh. AFMF, the person who didn't want to be tied down or married EVER went and did just that. Oh, and to the girl he trash talked to me the entire time we were together. My reply? "Congratulations." What else am I supposed to say? It's not like I had some vain hope that we'd be together some day....I think that ship has sailed. Interesting that he was texting me THE DAY I MOVED to see me. Weird. Perhaps he just wanted to deliver the sting of the marriage in person? Following that I received a text from Lagoon Jeff saying he misses the pink. While that's nice and all, I don't remember him rushing over to say goodbye before I moved. Fail. Miss me all you want, silly boy. :) Finally, the last annoying text came from Stalker who simply said, "Are you still mad at me?" Um, let's see. You lived with me off and on for months, never paid rent, drank all my liquor, ate my food, disrupted my sleep, and basically used me with nothing but a dramatic exit at the end. Pretty sure I could care less about that one. No response was needed. I'm not mad. I'm just unfeeling in regards to his sorry ass. Yikes. Pinky's sounding bitter. Wait, what?