Hey Matthew Mc-con-a-hottie, Is that a present in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? I'm not even going to complain about how many clothes you have on today. I'm pretty happy with the view I have already.
Oh, Jessica. I realize you're in Italy and perhaps you're thinking you needed to dress up for the occasion, but I think you have Italy confused with rest home in Florida.
Why, thank you, Halle Berry. I appreciate you thinking of me and bringing me a small token of your affection. 
Justin Douchebag Timberlake is looking nice and friendly once again. Why is he always so angry? What does he have to be angry about? I don't get it.
Lady Gaga soaking wet isn't really even more shocking than her usual ensembles. In fact, it's probably even tamer.
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