Dear Nicole Kidman: Do you have to pee? Why are you standing there looking all awkward? Is it because you forgot to wear a shirt?
Dear Sting: Congratulations on standing next to Lady Gaga and Sir Elton John and being the most ridiculous looking one of the group. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dear Juliet Binoche: I understand the desire to smuggle some goodies into the movie, but I don't think you need to put them in your crotch.
Dear James Franco: It was sure nice of you to roll out of bed and head over to the Cannes Film Festival. 
Dear Janet Jackson: I know you miss your brother and all, but chopping off your beautiful hair isn't going to bring him back. Ugh. What would possess you to do that?
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