I Wanna Be A Bombshell

So, you may have heard a thing or two in the news this week about a certain Academy Award winning actress having marital problems with her tattooed man. Now, I'm not going to give that disgusting homewrecker any further press by printing her name and/or picture, but I do have a question: How does one convince the media to identify you in EVERY news story as (for example) Tits "Bombshell" McGee. Is her name legally Bombshell? Was it a self-appointed nickname? If so, how does it stick? I'm asking, of course, because were I to somehow do something awesome (like marry Nick Rhodes - hey, it could happen), would my name appear as Pinky "Pinky" Lovejoy (just pretend that's my real name)? Or just Pinky Lovejoy? Because, come on. Pinky isn't really my name (surprise!). Would the press call me Pinky? If I happened to accidentally beat up Sandra Oh in a parking lot, would I be identified as Pinky? Because if I have a choice here, I think I should go with Bombshell. I could be Pinky "Bombshell" Lovejoy. Yep, that works for me. In other unrelated news (*cough cough*), really People magazine? Really? Are we back to stating the obvious? Are your news articles aimed at making readers says, "Well, duh?"I'm not sure which is worse: This headline, or receiving a "Breaking News" email from E online at midnight a few days ago saying that some Kardashian sister and her football playing boyfriend broke up (and, yes, I know their actual names, but I don't care enough to write them out) - long after every online site I read broke the story. Get with the times, people. Breaking news means it wasn't announced a week before. Oh, and one more thing: NO ONE CARES. Sheesh.