Last night as I was talking to Debra about the only topic I seem able to discuss, I made a decision: It's been long enough. After (barely) surviving yesterday
(aka the one year anniversary date of meeting 28, not to mention my would've-been 11-year wedding anniversary) and today marking exactly one month from the break-up date, I'm done. From this point forward, 28 is
no longer a topic of conversation. I've deleted his text messages; I've deleted his voicemails; he no longer exists in my phone. In fact, from this point on,
he doesn't exist at all. I suppose my therapist would say it's not in my best interest, as the other day she did say I was exactly where I should be in my "grieving stage" and that I need to just feel this pain, but I don't care. Apparently she's right - I am trying to rush through it, but I don't know what else to do. I want this step to be over. I'm sick of being so sad, of crying at the drop of a hat, and being consumed by thoughts of the dumb boy. This is over.
In the past I've done ridiculous things to get over a break-up: moved out of state, cut off all my hair (as a "symbol" of cutting the dumb boy out of my life), burned all the dumb boy's pictures, and my favorite one of all (and usual "fall back"): gone back to an ex and/or get a rebound person right away. The last one is the only thing that's ever helped (well, temporarily, at least), but even that doesn't sound appealing to me. Most days I still just want to crawl in a hole and wither away. As usual, today I haven't done much except feel sad (as today was the last day I'm going to allow myself to be so); I haven't even uttered a word all day. I don't feel like talking to anyone. Let's hope my new plan will somehow make me feel better....it has to work eventually, right? :)
Last night as I was talking to Debra about the only topic I seem able to discuss, I made a decision: It's been long enough. After (barely) surviving yesterday (aka the one year anniversary date of meeting 28, not to mention my would've-been 11-year wedding anniversary) and today marking exactly one month from the break-up date, I'm done. From this point forward, 28 is no longer a topic of conversation. I've deleted his text messages; I've deleted his voicemails; he no longer exists in my phone. In fact, from this point on, he doesn't exist at all. I suppose my therapist would say it's not in my best interest, as the other day she did say I was exactly where I should be in my "grieving stage" and that I need to just feel this pain, but I don't care. Apparently she's right - I am trying to rush through it, but I don't know what else to do. I want this step to be over. I'm sick of being so sad, of crying at the drop of a hat, and being consumed by thoughts of the dumb boy. This is over. 
In the past I've done ridiculous things to get over a break-up: moved out of state, cut off all my hair (as a "symbol" of cutting the dumb boy out of my life), burned all the dumb boy's pictures, and my favorite one of all (and usual "fall back"): gone back to an ex and/or get a rebound person right away. The last one is the only thing that's ever helped (well, temporarily, at least), but even that doesn't sound appealing to me. Most days I still just want to crawl in a hole and wither away. As usual, today I haven't done much except feel sad (as today was the last day I'm going to allow myself to be so); I haven't even uttered a word all day. I don't feel like talking to anyone. Let's hope my new plan will somehow make me feel better....it has to work eventually, right? :)
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