The Name Game

From my very early dating stages, I've used nicknames to lessen the pain. In recent years, and perhaps to just cut the pain off at the source, I've used nicknames right from the start (so as to alleviate the problem of the painful name reminder later). In fact, it wasn't until I really became to care about N that I started calling him by his actual name (which I'm not going to say because it hurts too much). Needless to say, he is back to being his original nickname (28). One of my very first boyfriends was called Dickhead for the longest time after we broke up (he later grew up and became my BFF, but that's another story). I think there was also a Psycho, As*hole, and Straightie, among other things. At one point I may have run out of names...We're all aware of last year's crop: Flaker, Stalker, Biter, Trucker, and Neverending Boyfriend (who was also As*hole back in the day, as I like to recycle my men ad nauseum). I like using nicknames; I think they're fun. It's amazing what calling by someone by their actual name will do to the heart. How can vocalizing one's name hurt so much? It feels like I'm being stabbed.