Monday, February 9, 2009
Would Armour Around My Heart Work?
It wasn't necessarily a good weekend in Love Land and I don't see it getting much better. As I've mentioned on numerous occasions, I'm terrible in relationships and it just seems to be getting worse as the days go by. While I have seen him since The Crying Incident, I fear that it's the beginning of the end. Now, I suppose I could just be overreacting (who, me?), but I don't know. I'm tired of worrying about it all the time. I'm exhausted from all the analysis over what every move means. I don't even want to talk about it anymore (although, here I am, talking about it....) for fear I'll just start crying. Oh, and I'm tired of crying. Did I mention that? I wish we were back in the "no expectations" phase where every phone call was a complete and total welcome surprise. While I suppose there's still some surprise when he calls, when he doesn't it's devastating and knocks the wind out of me. I don't want to live like this. I'm on eggshells and at his complete and total whim. I need to pull it together and get a grip. I'm fine with or without him, right? Still, I think investing in a little coat of armour for my heart might not be a terrible idea. Do you think it might help?
*sigh* I'm sending you all my good thoughts today.
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