I LOVE my afternoon walk. It's so refreshing and life-affirming (OK, that may be a bit code red on the drama meter). Seriously, though, it clears my mind and it's so nice to spend a few miles letting the worries of my day just fade away. That being said, once those worries are gone, my mind is left to wander and think thoughts that perhaps I should keep to myself. But, come on, what type of blogger would I be if I kept those thoughts to myself? I'd be depriving you of my hilarious, inappropriate observations.
So, yesterday I got stuck walking behind a lady wearing (bless her heart) a very large pair of "Mom Jeans." She was also being followed by several of her presumed spawn (lovely girls with sweet spirits and similar jeans). I realize I'm going to hell for this (oh right, I was already going after the pics yesterday), but I couldn't help wondering how she ever got anyone to "hit that." And she had three kids, so obviously it'd happened more than once. I guess miracles never cease.
Shortly after the "Mom Jeans" lady, I started noticing the vast amount of people sitting in the beautiful park whilst looking at their laptops. Are you serious? You're surrounded by beauty and you'd rather spend your time on the internet? What could possibly be that interesting? I started thinking that it'd be funny if they were all chatting in some singles chat room to each other, never knowing that the person they were talking to was sitting on the next bench. :)
Oh, there was also another guy who was standing with his knees together and his whole body curved into itself - it made his butt completely disappear. So bizarre. I totally wanted to take a picture of the concave man.
After my walk, I started my *long* drive home (OK, it's maybe five minutes). Now, keep in mind it's like the surface temperature of Jupiter here in the afternoon, so I was drenched in sweat (hot, I know). My hair was in a weird half-bun concoction after being in visor (which made my head too hot and I had to remove mid-walk), I had a red face, and sweaty stray hair (you know you would've totally wanted me). So, I'm at a red light, talking on the phone, and some guy in a truck pulls up next to me and says, "Hi." Not just stops next to me, but stops in the middle of the road (and he had like two car lengths in front of him). I was mildly annoyed, but whatever. I was on the phone, couldn't be bothered with stupid weirdo on the road. Apparently, I should've been concerned because HE FOLLOWED ME HOME. Um, what? I was so freaked out, I was walking inside (I parked in the back so he wouldn't know which place was mine) and he pulled in right in front of me and stops. I looked at the ground and kept walking (VERY briskly, I might add) and he said, "Excuse me." So I look at him and say (not in a nice tone AT ALL - he might as well have been a customer service rep that I was about to hang up on), "WHAT?!" And he said, "I just wanted to apologize if I scared you." Um, what?!! How about not following me home. Not stopping at my house. That would've worked a lot better than an actual verbal apology, you ninny.
After my walk, I started my *long* drive home (OK, it's maybe five minutes). Now, keep in mind it's like the surface temperature of Jupiter here in the afternoon, so I was drenched in sweat (hot, I know). My hair was in a weird half-bun concoction after being in visor (which made my head too hot and I had to remove mid-walk), I had a red face, and sweaty stray hair (you know you would've totally wanted me). So, I'm at a red light, talking on the phone, and some guy in a truck pulls up next to me and says, "Hi." Not just stops next to me, but stops in the middle of the road (and he had like two car lengths in front of him). I was mildly annoyed, but whatever. I was on the phone, couldn't be bothered with stupid weirdo on the road. Apparently, I should've been concerned because HE FOLLOWED ME HOME. Um, what? I was so freaked out, I was walking inside (I parked in the back so he wouldn't know which place was mine) and he pulled in right in front of me and stops. I looked at the ground and kept walking (VERY briskly, I might add) and he said, "Excuse me." So I look at him and say (not in a nice tone AT ALL - he might as well have been a customer service rep that I was about to hang up on), "WHAT?!" And he said, "I just wanted to apologize if I scared you." Um, what?!! How about not following me home. Not stopping at my house. That would've worked a lot better than an actual verbal apology, you ninny.
1 comment:
Now that is SCARY.
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