An Open Letter

Dear Elderly-Portly-Half-Naked-Bald-Man-Doing-Yoga-In-The-Park, Congratulations on finding an exercise you obviously love and thrive on doing. I applaud your effort and enthusiasm, especially on such a hot afternoon. In the future, please spare the rest of the viewing public (especially small, frightened children) the sight of your less-than-stellar bare body wearing super short black, tight shorts while doing the downward dog position on the lawn. Perhaps there's a backyard in your nursing home you could use instead? Or maybe you could visit the park after the sun goes down and you're not directly next to the playground? I almost lost my lunch as I walked by you today (but like a car accident, I couldn't stop staring at your stark white rotund body). Just a thought. Thanks so much. Sincerely, The General Public of Common Decency P.S. To the creepy, skeevy perv sitting in his black truck with the hood slightly askew every day in the same position: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!!? I'm fairly certain you've got candy in your truck and are trying to lure innocent children away with it. I have no doubt that you're the person my mother warned me about. Are you in cahoots with the Boogey Man?