Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite

Last night was not a pleasant evening in the Pink Palace. I could not cool down to save my life. I actually feared that all my mocking of my father somehow brought about my inability to cool off, since I usually just run a fan in my window each night (which, up until last night, has been working great). Imagine my surprise to realize (when I woke up, that is) my stupid window was never opened. DUH. I ran the fan, yes, but failed to open the window. Freaking idiot! No wonder I was so hot! Of course, I did finally get an ice pack to stick in my pillow, which is a trick I learned last year. For whatever reason, as long as one inch of my body is freezing, I'm fine to sleep. However, if I'm roasting, I have zero chance of falling asleep (my neverending insomnia kicks into high gear).

In addition to the terrible heat and my inability to fall asleep in an oven, I saw this huge spider on my floor. Yuch. If that weren't bad enough, I went into the restroom and saw a huge beetle. Um, do I need to have my apartment tented or something? What's with all the stupid bugs? Of course I couldn't sleep after that, for fear that these big, huge beasts would attack me in my sleep. Instead of sleeping, which I'm in desperate need of doing, I googled spider types to see if it might be poisonous. Then, I tried to kill both of the bugs with hairspray (yeah, that's a great idea) and perfume (such a diva trying to kill bugs), but, alas, it just seemed to piss them off. Of course I didn't want to turn off the light, since they seem to enjoy the darkness, so I just laid there roasting and fearing for my life (have I mentioned my tendency towards melodrama?). Both ran under my bed, so then I imagined them battling it out amongst themselves. I hate bugs and especially spiders (and snakes, but that's a different conversation). I've had a few of the same kind of beetle in my bathroom the past few weeks, but I can usually kill it with hairspray (sad, I know), and then drown it with water or flush it down the toilet (sorry PETA). Perhaps these new bugs are coming back for revenge? If you suddenly see my posts stop for no apparent reason, just know that the bugs have taken over the Pink Palace and ravaged my sad, hot, bug-fearing body. They will have eaten me alive (holy crap - I definitely need a nap or something).